When it comes to laughing a lot, nothing beats a good, clean joke – nothing but a really funny dog joke! Therefore we excavated the best of the best to make this big list of 75 dog jokes you and your friends are about to have barking with laughter.
From cute dog jokes to pugs, labradors and other dog breeds to short dog jokes for kids, these jokes will amaze you panting with laughter. So read up – um …to swallow– on this list of dog jokes and choose your favorites to share with friends.
Whether you’re telling one of those good dog jokes at school or texting your friends, be prepared for a great reaction – just be sure you do Paws a bit before saying the punchline for maximum effect. If you don’t, your delivery could be Ruff.
1. What breed of dog chases all that is red?
2. What do you call a dog that has been left outside in the cold for a long time?
A chili dog.
3. Which dog likes to bathe every day?
A shampoo del.
4. Why did the Alaskan man name his dog Frost?
Because frost bites.
5. Why are dogs terrible dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
6. What breed of dogs loves to live in the Big Apple?
A New Yorker.
7. How did the little Scottish dog react when he saw the Loch Ness Monster for the first time?
He was terrier-fied.
8. What do dogs get after completing obedience school?
9. What is a deadly creature that looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a kennel, and consumes dog food?
A dog with a machete.
10. What do you get when you cross an aggressive dog with a computer?
Lots of bites.
11. I recently planted a pet tree and it’s like having a dog except …
The bark is much quieter.
12. How are dog catchers paid in the UK?
After the pound.
13. Why didn’t the dog want to play soccer?
It was a boxer.
14. Why do dogs bury their bones in the ground?
Because they cannot be buried in trees!
15. Why do dogs like conjunctions in English class?
Because dogs love but.
16. What do a dog and a marine biologist have in common?
One wags his tail and the other marks a whale.
17. What breed of dog is Dracula’s favorite?
18. What do you get when you cross a dog with a puma?
Lots of trouble with a postman.
19. What do puppies and pages of a book have in common?
They both have dog ears.
20. What do you call a dog wizard?
21 .. What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
He stole the show.
22. Which outdoor markets do dogs despise?
23. What kind of dog is always aware of time?
24. Why did the two-legged dog stop abruptly?
It had two paws.
25. Why do dogs tend to run in circles?
Because it’s really hard to walk in squares.
26. What happens when you cross a dog with a phone?
A golden recipient.
27. What could be more incredible than a talking dog?
A spelling bee.
28. What kind of dog eats food with its ears?
All of them! I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before digging in.
29. How much hair does a dog’s tail have?
None! They are all outside.
30. What happens if a dog loses its tail?
It goes to a retail store to buy a new one.
31. What breed of dog can jump higher than a building?
All races can because buildings cannot jump!
32. What did the man name his two watchdogs?
Rolex and Timex
33. What did Darth Vader’s dog say to Luke’s dog?
Come on! Join the bark side.
34. What do you get when you cross a German Shepherd with a rose?
A collie flower
35. Why do dogs love smartphones?
Because they have collar IDs.
36. Why did the dachshund want to sit in the shade?
Because it was a hot dog.
37. What would happen if you crossed a dog and a cheetah?
You would get a dog that chased cars but was actually fast enough to catch them!
38. What do chemist-owned dogs do with their bones?
39. What do dogs do if they have to take a toilet break during a movie?
You press the paw button.
40. What do you get when you cross a rottweiler with a hyena?
I’m not sure, but if it starts to laugh I’ll go along with it.
41. When my friend’s dog died, I bought an identical one to cheer her up … but that only made her angrier. Do you know what my friend said when I gave him the dog?
“What should I do with two dead dogs ?!”
42. What do you get when you give oil to a racing dog?
43. What is a pug’s favorite drink in autumn?
Pug Kin Spice Latte.
44. Our dog brings us the newspaper every day …
The funny thing is, we’ve never subscribed to any!
45. Why do dogs bark so loudly?
They have built-in subwoofers.
46. What do dogs normally like to eat in the cinema?
47. Why does a loud yapping dog resemble a tree?
That’s because they both have a lot of bark.
48. Would you like to know if your wife or dog loves you more?
Just put both of them in a box for a few hours and see which one is happy to see you when you open it.
49. When you cross a Cocker Spaniel, Poodle and Rooster, what do you get?
50. What do you call a dog that cannot bark?
51. Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog that gave birth on the side of the road?
Because she had trash.
52. What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?
Whatever you want, do it in silence.
53. What do you get when you crossbreed a German Shepherd with a jelly?
The collie is wobbling.
54. Where does a Labrador’s food go before it can be sold in stores?
For testing in the laboratory.
55. What did one flea say to the other?
Should we go for a walk or just take the dog with us?
56. What could be worse than raining cats and dogs?
57. What do you get when you cross a frog with a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
58. What is the difference between a businessman and a hot dog?
The businessman is wearing a suit, but the dog is only wearing pants.
59. Where do dogs park their cars?
On the barking property.
60. How can you get a dog in the back seat to stop barking while driving?
Ask him to sit in the front and bark there instead.
61. What do you get when you crossbreed a dog and a pen?
62. Why aren’t corgi jokes funny?
All are really short.
63. How do you know if you have a slow dog?
It tracks parked cars.
64. Why did the man make pancakes for his dog?
His dog sure didn’t know how!
65. Why did the dog steal herpes zoster?
He really wanted to become a woofer!
66. What do you get when you crossbreed a dog and a lion?
You won’t get any mail, that’s for sure.
67. What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
68. When is a flea mother satisfied?
When her whole family decided to go see the dogs.
69. What did one dog say to the other before he enjoyed his bones?
70. What happens when you connect a corgi to a battery?
You get a short circuit.
71. Why do dogs love redwood trees?
They have the largest bark.
72. What do you call a dog that has no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter! It still won’t come when you call his name.
73. If a dog has a fever, what should you feed him?
Mustard – the best for hot dogs.
74. When I take my dog to the park, the ducks always try to bite him.
I think it makes sense since it is pure bread.
75. What did the dog say to Woody after accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear?
You have a friend with me.
Check out …
200+ jokes for kids
101 clean jokes
The 100 best dad jokes
101 funny one liners
101 fun word games